>Even when I’m unsure. . He is here

>Today I am unsure. There are so many things on the horizon and so many choices to make and so much to do with work and with family and with church. Is this the right time for this? Is this the right time for that? Are we moving too quickly in this direction? Should we stay still here for a while? I have battled doing a blog for days because with this too I’ve been without direction. When all else fails, read the instructions, right?

Well the instruction manual says in Psalm 46:10 “be still and know that I am God” I always thought this meant to keep in one place, to wait on the Lord so I did some interwebs research today and found:

The word still is the hebrew word raphah,(raw-feh); a prim root ; to slacken, fail l(be) faint, be (wax) feeble, abate ,forsake, idle. (be) weak, cease.
slacken-lacking diligence, to become less energetic, not under any tension.
abate- to reduce, to do away with, to grow less.
feeble-lacking in energy or strength, weak lacking in character or intelligence, lacking in effectiveness, unclear.

So this scripture could say ~…Be weak and know that I am God,or Be without strength and know that I am God. How can that be okay with God? For us to be weak, for us to need to lean on Him for so much? Because the Bible also says that “His strength is made perfect in our weakness”. Through our weakness and humanity He can show through us ~ so to be still, to be weak, to be in need of a Huge God who loves us so much, that is what He wants! Wow, I guess today I am right where he wants me..LOL.

What comforts me in this moment is that it is okay to be unsure. It is okay to be weak. It is okay to lean on God and let Him lead us down the path of His choosing.




>Who Am I?

>Who I am that a King would bleed and die for me? Who am I that He would climb Mount Calvary?

Those lyrics keep running through my head. I think since we stepped into the calling of God to build a church for His glory that I think, why us? How are we worthy of this job? But I think that if God had a job description for soul winners it would go like this:

Help Wanted:
Heaven needs someone who loves people and isn’t afraid to get their hands dirty. Someone who will lend an ear, a helping hand or an uplifting prayer for their fellow man. This job does require life experience and the ability to utilize your past to help others in the future. Please apply by talking to God daily and letting Him guide your steps. Only serious God Chasers need apply.

When I think of all my past hurts (even recent ones) I am honored. I am honored that God has put Brad & I in a place where we can understand the hurts of people who are living life the best they can and just need a better road map. I am honored that the things we have endured almost feel like they were tests we were passing along the way so that we could be the principals of this ‘special school’. This school helps people who have failed miserably, who have been hurt physically and emotionally, people who have hit bottom and are coming back up or still just hovering right above the ground, and people who do not know where to turn.

Now that we have moved past the hurts of separation from our old church, it is time to start reaching the people that no one has ever even considered. It is time to be the church. It is time for Bethesda House to open: the house where healing begins and where hope abounds.

Who am I? I am a child of God and He delights in my happiness. I am a woman who loves with all she is and all she has. I am a wife who follows her husband and he follows Christ. I am me, and for God, that’s enough.



>Annibirthary ~ I love that Matt Caudill

>Today is two fold in the Deason House ~ today is Brad’s 43rd birthday and it is our 3rd anniversary. Our friend Matt Caudill has deemed this an Annibirthary ~ which I love.

Brad Deason is not only my best friend, he is a man after God’s heart so he definitely has mine. The crazy things we have been through and done and endured through the five years we have known each other seem like a lifetime of memories. Three years ago today we officially started our journey as husband and wife. Wow ~ what a great life we have.

I heard this joke about an officer who stopped a speeding driver. He told her, “I’ve been waiting for you all day” and her reply was “Officer, I got here as quick as I could”. . . It may have taken us the first thirty years of my life for these soulmates that God created for each other, but I got there as fast as I could. It was well worth the wait.

I walked down the aisle three years ago to my husband reading this poem that I want to share with you all ( i wanted to put it on here with the music but I am uncapable of that; anyone who could help me out music wise and I will post it):

I always knew you would find me,
no clock needed to remind me that it would happen,
I planned on it, worked it out, hid in plain sight every day.
Knowing you would pass, that way or this;
come along, Go by, pausing, moving to here or somewhere
It did not matter, you would arrive

It kept the heart alive and thriving in the clatter of times traveled
To know you would turn and see me, and not turn awayfinitions */ @font-face {font-family:”Cambria Math”; panose-1:2 4 5 3 5 4 6 3 2 4; mso-font-charset:1; mso-generic-font-family:roman; mso-font-format:other; mso-font-pitch:variable; mso-font-signature:0 0 0 0 0 0;} @font-face {font-family:Calibri; panose-1:2 15 5 2 2 2 4 3 2 4; mso-font-charset:0; mso-generic-font-family:swiss; mso-font-pitch:variable; mso-font-signature:-1610611985 1073750139 0 0 159 0;} /* Style Definitions */ p.MsoNormal, li.MsoNormal, div.MsoNormal {mso-style-priority:1; mso-style-unhide:no; mso-style-qformat:yes; mso-style-parent:””; margin-top:0in; margin-right:0in; margin-bottom:10.0pt; margin-left:0in; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:11.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size:10.0pt; font-family:”Calibri”,”sans-serif”; mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family:”Times New Roman”; mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family:”Times New Roman”; mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi;} .MsoChpDefault {mso-style-type:export-only; mso-default-props:yes; mso-bidi-font-size:10.0pt; mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family:”Times New Roman”; mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family:”Times New Roman”; mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi;} .MsoPapDefault {mso-style-type:export-only; margin-bottom:10.0pt;} @page Section1 {size:8.5in 11.0in; margin:1.0in 1.0in 1.0in 1.0in; mso-header-margin:.5in; mso-footer-margin:.5in; mso-paper-source:0;} div.Section1 {page:Section1;} –> .
You Here, or Coming, Unraveling the Puzzle,
Kept me whole and safe and traveling toward this day.

When evenings, like forever, started fleeting; going fast;
I could see you in some distance, disappearing in the midst.
In the mass of fondled faces, one amasses in a lifetime;
Yours was there, just out of grasp.

As you fluttered in my future, fled throughout my life-longs past,
I expected every spring to bring you to my arms, to my side.
When autumn started coming; thick and firm and fast,
I never once gave up believing you would come with winters passing.
You would be here as the moon fell.

As the sun rose, we would clasp hands at first,
then bodies closing up that awful gap that life without a life-long
partners leaves between noon and the night line.

Did I falter in my faith? Once or twice perhaps,
But never long enough to leave you in a dream that wasn’t mine.
Because I always knew you would find me.

I was blessed with growing knowledge.
Something whispered:
Do not worry, it will happen, it’s been planned.
Nothing here is happenstance, do not hurry
Do not pause to catch your breath, so it was I always knew.

Lessons learned, prizes earned; but not always given.
Paths I’ve paved; paths left unpaved.
The rest of what I have to offer,
the little things this life’s amassed.
For you, for you , It was for you:
I saved the best for last!

We had a wonderful anniversary and spent some time alone and also with the whole Deason clan and ended the day with a lovely meal at our favorite restaurant. It has been a great three years and our love and our friendship seems to get better every single day. My wish is that everyone who is not married, find your best friend to share your life with and if you are already married, make you husband or wife your best friend. There is nothing like it in this world.

Brad, Happy Annibirthary baby!


>Catching up. . .

>I have wanted to get on here and just catch up with my own thoughts. We have so much going on that it is overwhelming sometimes. God continues to give us strength through the storm and we are so thankful. I have to let everyone know what has been going on.

We were part of a start up ministry since fall of 2006. For almost three years, we poured our hearts and our souls into trying to build something for Jesus. We poured our time and effort into a pastor and his family to be a support unit to them. This Pastor has such charisma and charm and when annointed by the Lord, it is amazing how lives are touched. We were just honored that God had led us to be part of the work of God that we knew was going to happen.

As time passed, Pastors flaws became apparent, but hey, we are all flawed people and God loves us just as we are as long as we are striving to be more like Him every day. I equated my Pastor to David of the Old Testament, flawed but loving God, mistakes abounded but the repentance did too. This was enough for my family to stay even when literally hundreds of people came in and out the doors never to return. Our hearts were confused on why these folks didn’t have enough strength or perseverance to stay and see it through. Little did we know that God would use this as a tool to show us the truth when the time was right.

Around six months ago, God started tapping on my hearts door and letting me know that we would break away from this ministry and begin our own work for the Lord at some point. I think this is God’s love shown forth because if I had not started to break away emotionally all those months ago, I would be so hurt by the last few weeks that I would not be able to function. It is God’s divine grace that has sustained us through it all.

Two months ago, my husband told me, God is telling me we need to stay here. “We are staying here and supporting Pastor and his family until God makes it clear that this door is shut and that another door is opened.” In loving (okay sometimes not so loving) submission, I waited on God and my husband to confer about the appropriate time-line. God’s time is not always our time, but He is always right on time.

Three weeks ago this Friday, the poo hit the fan, so to speak. It seemed like out of the woodwork people began to tell us things that hurt our heart so badly that I would not put them on a blog for anyone to read. Our Pastor had basically said untrue things about myself and my family and that was our final straw. That was the door shutting in our face and though it hurt like you know what, it was a relief of sorts. I was so spiritually tired of trying to be a help to a ministry that was built on falsehoods and I was so relieved that I could breathe again. It seems like it had been six months since I took a really deep breath.

So much has been unearthed in the past few weeks, our email accounts have been attacked and compromised and our facebooks hacked and mine even deleted. Even my work email has been violated. The vile and hateful attacks of the enemy during this time have not dampened our faith, have only strengthened our resolve to move forward for Jesus. I said sometime ago that people hurt people, not God or Churches.

There are only about three families left at my old Pastors church and I pray for them everyday, that they will have the strength and that they will hear the still small voice of God when he shuts the doors for their families. I remember when families would leave and they would say to us, you need to leave, this is not where you need to be and we would say, this is where God wants us to be. And that was true – for the time we were there, God wanted us there, whether it was to expose the enemy for who he was or just to learn how to be better when our leadership time comes, whatever it was, it was God teaching us something to use in the future.

I miss my Pastor and his wife, or at the least the people I thought they were. Today is mine and Brad’s third wedding anniversary. My pastor married us, that was one of the most awesome days of our lives and they were there, front and center, sharing that with them. It is my prayer that this family really find where things went wrong and get back on the path God wants them on . It is my prayer that everything comes to light so that their true healing and redemption can begin. Someone once told my pastor that to be truly used of God, you truly have to be broken before him. I sincerely hope that this is how he views this time, that he finds where God’s direction should be leading him and his family. Most of you don’t know this family, but they need your prayers. While we are hurting, we do have others around us lifting us up, we have a body of believers who are standing united together. This family does not have a strong support system and greatly need prayer. Please pray for them because if through this, they can come to repentance, that is the heartbeat of God.

I know this is quite lengthly but it has been in my head and heart, a jumble of emotions and prayers. We are thankful that as we start our new work as a body of believers who broke away, we had 45 people at our service last Sunday for mothers day. I am thankful that people are choosing forgiveness over bitterness. I am thankful to be a part of the Kingdom of God that refuses to let human pain paralyze us spiritually.

Pray that God leads our church body as we pray about leadership and about board members. Pray that our focus at Bethesda will always be what Bethesda means (healing waters – house of grace). Pray that we get so much of Jesus in us as a body of believers that others are compelled to ask about the God within us. Brad taught on Sunday about how Mary birthed God ~ literally. He talked about how she was moved as God moved within her. That is my prayer for our church body. As God grows within us, help us to move where he moves. . . .



>TeamDeason’s Living Room

>well, somehow my blog got messed up so here are the living room pics.
Our “D” welcomes you into the Living Room


The Wall of Crosses ~ Love These!


Cait’s Artwork from Middle School


My moms antique table with our fam. picture and flowers i carried in our wedding.


We got this on our honeymoon ~ framed it at Hobby Lobby.


Wall of Crosses / Reading Nook ~ Baileigh in the floor


Our Great Big Comfy Couch


Our New Flatscreen & Some lovely Hobby Lobby Pictures


The inspiration piece for these rooms ~ the famous checked Chair. . .


Our family sand ceremony momentos


Picture as a wedding gift, over our wedding momento table

>Just put one foot in front of the other ~

>That is the plan. Just put one foot in front of the other and walk in the direction that God leads. This is what our family has been doing and God is opening so many doors and we are already seeing so many people starting to have their hurts healed and their hearts full of the tenderness of God. As we left our old church, it was our greatest fear that people would begin to walk in bitterness because of the hurts we experienced there but we serve a gracious and good and mighty God who kept us there for such a time as this.

Ephesians 6: 11 – 18 says ~

11Put on the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil.

12For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.

13Wherefore take unto you the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand.

14Stand therefore, having your loins girt about with truth, and having on the breastplate of righteousness;

15And your feet shod with the preparation of the gospel of peace;

16Above all, taking the shield of faith, wherewith ye shall be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked.

17And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God:

18Praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, and watching thereunto with all perseverance and supplication for all saints;

Verse 15 is near and dear to my heart because although we as a church, we as a united body of believers have walked through a bunch of junk to get to where we are now, our constant prayer is that our feet are shod with the preparation of the gospel of peace ~ peace that passes all understanding.

When God showed us it was time to go and to begin again a new work at Bethesda (meaning house of mercy, grace & abundance also meaning healing waters); we were in awe that this was His plan. It is truly our desire to see people faith in others restored and to live the life God had for us. Please pray for our family as we take on this new endeavor. We had 32 people at our first church service last Sunday and Brad taught on the healing power of God for our lives. We are thankful that God has surrounded us with mature loving Christians who are working and praying along side us in this endeavor.

Please pray that many come to know Jesus in the power of who He is. .



>16 Candles


Caitlin ~ today the blog is all about you

Today marks a milestone in the life of my first born. Sixteen years ago today she brought into my life a love I never knew existed. The love of a mother and child. Thinking back through the years at how she has grown and matured and how she has turned into my ‘mini-me’ is bittersweet to say the least.

The once shy girl who would hide behind her mothers skirt when strangers said hello and peek around to smile with those big blue eyes is on the verge of becoming a woman. She has set goals for college and career and now that the big 16 has arrived ~ she can start dating. This seemed like a great age to allow that when she was ten years old. Not so much today ~ today I want to change the age to 18 ~ I want her to grow and want her to stay the same but we can’t have that now can we.

On Sunday, we celebrated at El’Bracero Mexican restaurant with family and a few friends.
Here are a few pictures from the party:

I am thankful that God has given me such a great daughter: she is compassionate and kind to others (if you don’t count Logan) and she has a true love for Jesus. She is not easily swayed by the people who surround her and she stands up for what she believes in. She is stubborn and hardheaded when she knows she is right (and sometimes even when she’s wrong). She is beautiful and quirky and her smile lights up the room. She faces responsibilities without (much) complaining and does really well in school. What is not to like about that? Happy birthday baby girl ~ Mama Loves You~

>What doesn’t kill us. . .

>There are days when you wonder what in the world did I do to deserve what is going on? Ironically, or not so ironically, I just recently posted about the friction of rocks and how it ultimately smooths our lives. Well as much friction as we have had in the past seven days, we should be smooth as a baby’s bottom after a good dose of Johnson & Johnson.

See, like I’ve said before, God knows the outcome ~ He knew where we would be last Friday, He knew I would be sitting here this morning wondering how to put into words what I am feeling without seeming discouraged (because I am very encouraged because I know I walk in the Favor Of God) without seeming petty (because sometimes hurt comes across as whiney), without being ugly (my flesh feels ugly but my spirit is just saddened by the actions of others) but while proclaiming that Jesus is Lord of my life and that I am still chasing God through all this junk.

Because this is a lesson for good ol’ teamdeason. A lesson long time coming ~ we have learned we can’t take our eyes off of God and we learn that we can’t stop seeking His face or listening to His voice ~ if we listen to anything else ~ we could be in a world of hurt.

For those of you who read my blog, alot of this might not make sense, but it does to me and to other families that are in our situation who have been hurt by the ministry. I told my husband just the other day this is why people quit church and never go back. But we have to always remember that People hurt People, not buidlings or assemblies or God. People hurt you when you allow them too and when you are seeking God’s face and you get serious about your walk with Him, in God’s time it will be revealed. God is always on time even when we feel like he is way overdue to show up for our situation.

God is with us and God is for us and we are so thankful that we have a strong army of believers lifting each other up in a time of need. Pray for us as we pray for you and God willl lead our paths. More to come . . . .